I'm the guy who will slave away at your sprites just for the hell of it. I also don't need an NG account, but alas.

Last update: 08.03.21, about existing and not contributing

(Nexus Core sprites - ShootDaCheese. Check the man out. He's a hard worker).

Now you can add me to whatever projects i happened to take part in. I hope that makes you happy.

Does make me happy tho.

Thanks.                                                                       

 ̶I̶ ̶a̶l̶s̶o̶ ̶n̶e̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶f̶o̶l̶l̶o̶w̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶h̶i̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶n̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶.̶.̶.̶ ̶i̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶p̶o̶i̶n̶t̶.̶.̶.̶

Ok. I have now followed everyone i wanted.  

I wonder if i can make this one post last forever. NG allows for some crazy-long posts, as i've seen. And there doesn't seem to be a restriction for editing posts.

I guess i live here now.

Dear First-post-diary, today is 05.12.18.

I wish everyone who uses the MMDDYY format reconsiders.

If you're wondering, dear diary, as to why you exist, i can answer. It's simple really. I think i have a mental condition, which goes by a latin name "Attendentes Prostitutum", which is incurable. It makes me... do things. However, i don't wanna bother the fair folk of El NewGrounde with meaningless constant posts. So, it shall be so, as is here henceforth.

25.12.18; XX:XX

A while back i moved my taskbar to the left side of the screen. I don't know why i did that. Isn't that how Macintosh or some other hipster OS has it? Deadbolt OST by Chris Christodoulou is still amazing. Christmas is also happening now. I don't really know how that works. I guess it's a period of time. I really want to make more assorted MC-related content, but the time to do that is eaten up by "real" things. I guess that's how life works. Most of all, i want to make one of those group photo fanarts. No Kelzads allowed. He has plenty of coverage already. Second place are probably wierd memes and sprites. Sprites are cool. Tsuneo Imahori is cool too. I also need to read Mr.4y's huge MC fanfiction from 2014. I've been craving some quality Lore, and that has a nice thick nostalgia topping as well.

07.02.19. XX:XX

It's the 2019th year. Backgrounds and other things are stabilizing schedule-wise. Life is still good. I'm still not thankful enough for that. Chub is happening. I hope i can make him a happy boy. Thoughts 2 fast; typing 2 slow. Imahori is still cool. There is now a visible character limit, that i see here for the first time, as it counts down to 0. I'm at 30,250. We'll see.

06.03.19; XX:XX

69. Dudingdarn is making a return. The Bofors was my fate, really. But i'm here just to save something handy.

"Hello and welcome.

Just as an FYI, newgrounds uses a quality-control system known as scouting for new artists.

Until you upload 4 different pieces of art and get approved by a veteran artist, your art won't show up anywhere on the site except your userpage.

Read more here: https://ornery.newgrounds.com/news/post/388624

I'd recommend uploading a fourth piece of art so that you can get scouted.

Uploading older art is fine, as long as you think it's representative of the quality of your current art."

Joel Ruben has such unbelievably blue eyes. It's unreal. No, not the congressman. No, not some reporter guy either.

I also feel weird, since my comment seems to have started his "Hey, you floopers" catch phrase. I mean, that's one hell of a welcome, but still. I wish i would make sprites. I guess that would be it for now. Oh, my PC was under malware siege for a week. Shit was bad. Now i really need to go to a tech shop to fix the lad up. I also seem to have developed a very weird manner of using both the mouse and the touch-pad when making sprites.

And seeing all these banners... I fear Exodus will just be a generic Slav Fallout. The tight (i guess i made a joke) nature of the two prior games helped hide some flaws, like say, with the AI, and it was also a more solid experience, comparable to how Half-Life feels to play. Which is a feat actually. Valve's level design techniques and methods are all but forgotten by every triple-A studio. Which is a great shame and a waste. Seems like every level in Exodus will just be a large sandbox (as it's cheekily called out by the game's our Damir character) with smaller locations to explore in it beside the main story attractions. I think that will rob the game of the sense of progression and journey. As well as make it feel more watered down, as it would be harder to create and emphasize the narrative relation between each location, as generally open world design not only allows to approach any location in any order and from any direction, but also in any way, with any strategy. That would either make all locations feel the same, or will necessitate making each location a small self-contained dungeon, with just one way of approaching it. Similarly to what we have in the first playable level: the trap cave, lighthouse defense, concluded by the spider bunker.

Eh. Game dev is hard. But level design is a cool thing to think and talk about.

Have a good day, like the day before. Frolic a bit, will ya? Well, see you later, you floopers.

15.05.19; XX:XX

Chub's being a pest, shouting me out and, like, being generally nice to me. Hate him. Vulture Feast of M:MP2 OST by Locknar sums up my current mood. Generally up-beat and highly energetic, but also spastic, out of hand, messy, uncontrollable. The game WILL be great.

I naturally got an Ace crew for the Ferdinand in WT. Was too easy. Really sums up the whole experience of playing the vehicle. Unless CAS. But there's always CAS. So it's a non-factor.

I'm surprised Chub remembers the Movie. Go follow him... like i have a bigger audience to be shouting him out. Wank0 is actually bad. Most clips are gonna be great, but the general feel is really not up my alley. I like more grounded stuff. Might've even grounded Chub too much actually. But he deserves it. You're grounded, Chub. New Grounded.

The thermal drill. Go get it.

15.06.19; XX:XX

Where were you, when Gordon Freeman flipped his crowbar?

26.09.19; XX:XX

Wank: the Zero.

Ok, real talk?

I’ve been planning to make this talk about Wanko pretty much from the start. As soon as i was actually on the team and got to know a bit more of what was going on.

Some backstory. Funnily enough, it was once again Kote who dragged me into this. So initially it was just one background for him. You could say that i started Wanking all the way in late October of 2018. However, some things happened. Long story short: some of my even earlier backgrounds (made for other collabs but still for the same Kote) made it into Wank without my sayso. Finished or not. At that point I was already introduced into the Wank team and myself got my self into other people’s clips. Namely they were: Chub and Gabriel Barsh. So from the get-go i said that i’m a man of slow schedules and scope/feature creep. Therefore my plate can’t be too big or i’ll drown myself in it. And once those old half finished backgrounds showed up in Wank out of nowhere, i said right there, that i won’t have time to finish those. However i was assured that it was all “ok”.

So now i take the responsibility for the horrible things you see at 35:07. And even thought Kote was not the one to animate on that background, it was him who dragged my poor backgrounds out of their womb-coma purgatory. On top of that, if you’ve followed the plot , you’d know that those backgrounds are supposed to be a moon base. I don’t think i need to tell you what they were originally. And i suspect that the whole look of the base ended up being so out of line, because of those backgrounds.

This preface has dragged out quite a bit. Well. I was prepared to cast aside my humanity from the very beginning as it seems that i am committed to write everything.

My original plan - skip watching Wanko entirely.

Gradually over the course of production i was losing faith in the collab. I never doubted that it would be released, or that it would have it’s cool moments. I, however, had a much more existential problem with the whole Wank thing.

WhiteWank1(classic): The collab. It’s a joke. There’s nothing to it. One line of text is all it’s worth.

(But really, i’m willing to overlook it and remove it from the equation for the same reason I consider MC1-3 to be softly non-canon. At that point no one thought and planned ahead).

Wank The 2: Revengeance - the Joke expanded. I’d say it’s success is partially brought by the direct competition with ParadigMadness2. Which didn’t quite deliver. In contrast: Wank had no expectations to bring it down, no restraint Lore or otherwise. It was christmas in july. It wasn’t flawless, but it didn’t need to be.

Now Wank3 complicates this. From the get-go it seems that Wanko was planned to have some greater Lore. It was still joke-Lore, like, intentionally super convoluted, incoherent and ludicrous. I see it as a flaw. Since that’s literally the opposite of what led to Wank2’s success. Paradig has Lore. Wank has action. Implying that there was this overarching, or should i say, “overwrapping” story the whole time means that Wank2 is a failure. It didn’t explain/expand the story. There are no hints of greater Lore in Wank2. However Wank3 says there are. So who’s the stupid one? I’d say the stupid one is the one that retroactivly implements Lore where there was and shouldn’t be none, and thusly deludes the nature of the product both previous and as a whole.

Because at the end of the day it is a product. It’s a movie, it’s a good, it’s content.

Pause. So you can see that my core problem with Wank was very fundamental. Everything that you’ve read just now was being slowly nurtured in my mind over the course of 3-4 months. I still would say that it’s a valid reason to look down on Wank. But at the same time i have to say that after watching the efforts of so many people, whom I witnessed working so hard and so passionately, after seeing 40 minutes worth of pure effort i can’t give Wank less than a 5/5.

Even after being on the team for a good chunk of time, i still had no idea how expansive the project was. And i don’t mean just lengthwise.

Kryy however. I’d say he succeeded. He got the Lore in there. However it’s nowhere near as bulky and distracting as i thought. It’s still writing-school level meme worthy in it’s bizarreness. But it does work. I think, i say that only because i know the behind the scenes of it and can see it clearly, because i know what to look for. (Plus it has some “hidden” worthwhile elements). But can’t confirm. It would definitely take you, a common viewer, a few notepad pages worth of effort to piece it all together (though even then, i think there are a few things missing). But it works. It works way better than i expected. It’s clunky and confusing still. Beside the Lore there still are quite big technical flaws here and there, like the aforementioned shitty backgrounds. But despite all of it, i can’t say i didn’t enjoy it. Kryy managed it all pretty well.

I still don’t like the act of retroactive Lorefication.

And the broken promise of there being no 3rd installment is also a pity. It was such a cool and bold statement. I saw it as an “attack”, in direct opposition to Paradig2, which was a worth-little sequel. And that made Wank feel so self-conscious and confident. Only to then fall even lower than sequel-bait and become a prequel meme.

Some stupid people are still reading, instead of scrolling down like you.

Some people jumped out of their boots, out of their skin and the limits of Flash to show you their best Wank. The brilliant sound engineers: Jsoull, SentryTurbo and ever so popular these days CturiX-Kemilon. Bot the DON, who has fallen really ill, yet finished his part. Which wasn’t his only one. Amazing voice acting. And of course the man himself. The kRyyNG. I can’t go on listing names. It’s just too much and i’m not prepared (i can’t fact-check myself, as Chub deleted me from Discord).

Only people i blame are myself and Kote. You didn’t hear? Oh yeah, he DJ Djjaner’ed out of the collab at the last phase of development. No offence to Djjaner, i only mention him because that’s someone Kote really looked down upon for the exact same behavior. This irony can never be forgotten.

But i did really set Chub up. I practically stole his clip. My unfinished backgrounds are a cancer that will stay there forever. Not to mention the plethora of smaller oversights on my part, which caused it be look bad.

Lets be real now. I am the only person who has the right to downvote Wank3. For a multitude of reasons actually: i was in-fact “there”, i’ve seen it, i know what was going on backstage, i’m informed; i’ve been spoiled by years of free cartoons, i’ve grown disgustingly complacent and entitled; i’m also biased, ignorant and petty to a very high degree. And despite all of that, I’m giving it a 5. Not gonna Favorite it though. No way.

However if we go double-real now: the collab has mistakes. It has 40 minutes of runtime for those mistakes to happen. The percentage of mistakes is small, but relatively large. I’d say 4\5 maximum.

But really, even if you fix those. It wouldn't be perfect. But it would've been so close that i'd loose my mind if that were the case.

I want to go into a more personal and detailed overview of the things i liked and disliked. But, again, i can’t fact-check myself, and the only people who would enjoy reading the good bits, are the creators themselves. But that’s your job - to give them compliments in the comments. On top of that, if I compliment them, they will start complimenting me back, since we worked together on the same project. And that’s not something i could endure.

Who am i kidding. The only people to notice and read this entry in first-post-journal are the dumb ones.

Epilogue.

I was holding off from making a post, until I had something worthwhile. Even tho this is hardly it. I was considering making a new post. But it’s not worth it. But alas, words needed to be said. I might say more about Wank later. More personal stuff. Trippe real.

28.09.19. 00:22

Wank was nice overall. My debut, you could say. Which... is an accident? I’m happy with how much Nevada Medical i was able to stuff into every corner of it. To top it off, Dudingdarn and Andy442 (Anjak) actually animated two NM idiots in their parts. For which i'm grateful. Initially i didn’t want to force any of that into the collab, but once i’ve seen how many OCs and other nonsense was already in it, i realized that this is the wrong place to be concerned with that.

Hopefully, as time goes on i will be able to participate in more projects and shove even more Nevada Medical paraphernalia into them.

Really, it just serves as my mark. Like, sometimes people make posters with their OCs, so they could be included as a more... i guess - “direct” way of giving them credit and publicity, if they had any contribution. Or just as a plain and simple option to acknowledge them for inspiration. I like that idea as a whole, just the concept of it. It’s a pretty cool and unique way of going about it. However, i’m too cool for posters (and i have no design skills to boot, so i’m really bad at composition when it comes to posters).

So i “opted” to do something more “interesting”. Nevada Medical is a rather unimportant Original Faction. It is designed to exist in the background. Maybe to be there as a simple fallback option or a Lore-hole-plug for anyone to use, if their stories are in need of that. I also feel like OFs of that nature would do a good job at fleshing out the Fanon MC Universe. Maybe even make everything feel tighter and connected. On top of that, i’m not planning to start animating any time soon. And that leaves me only one option if i want to introduce NM and expand on how it operates.

And that’s through environmental storytelling of course! But really, i dig that stuff. Half-Life? I love Half-Life. All my time spent in Source leaves me with this only option. I don’t know how well i’m doing so far. Funnily enough, OOC (out-of-character) situations still happen. And they are even harder to justify and explain to people. Because i have to start digging up transport route maps, investment-vs-return charts, staff applications, stock declarations...

23.10.20. 23:15

I mean to write here more often than i actually can. Or rather, eh. Would take to long to put into words.

But basically, diary - waste of time. Memes - fun and worth it. But memes have to at least have some value for the viewer to be worth it. My personal memes are near endless, but ultimately uninteresting.

Today i just came to the realization, that one's ability to be able to see beauty and worth in the most minute things and mundane situations stems from the lack of general beauty and sources of happiness in one's overall environment. Just like how a cactus needs a massive system of roots, so do we try to take solace in seeing someone help an old lady across a street; or helping F2Ps in TF2 - events most bland and, honestly, ones that in a "normal" society should be taken for granted. However we see a need to grab onto these minor triumphs of humanity and humility, for the lack such in the rest of our general life.

And i feel like seeing beauty in such behavior is symptomatic of a far grater and existential issue that we have collectively found ourselves in.

That's all from me.

Also, note for future self, if the time ever comes: reverse the order of entries in future diary posts. I've already made this oversight here, so it's too late.

Also, i wanna make a master post for all the people i know in MC, so i don't loose track. And also use that to give them my "words of thanks". I really wanna give people titles to denote my subjective opinion of them. Like: "Jsoull - The one man army".

Lange is right, by the way. I feel like i get him. His true message is most probably going over my head, and i dislike the method of delivery to boot. But still. Generally terrible and awful.

Unrelated. But I long for Budsquad in the meanwhiles regardless.

Also, all my "art" is seen by NG art staff as "scene creator". With which i don't wanna argue. Didn't even want to bring it up publicly (as public as this is). But all the same i wanna rant about Gmod and to a lesser extend SFM posters. Note to do that if catharsis becomes a necessity in the future.

08.03.21; 22:33

Just over 2 years on NG, and roughly 3 years in the community proper.

What is there to say? I'm enjoying my time. Writing scripts, voice acting. Meating people. Still. It appears there's a near limitless supply of those. Too bad i'm not actually doing anything.

But i guess i kinda am. Making DnD-like dungeon maps. Concepting characters and related. Which both are just the best. All thanks to Chub.

Also, i agree with Kelzad. Event ho he took it all back and apologized. I think it's pretty clear that certain things are being misshandleled. Especially in regards to M:PN2. But what do i know.

Imahori is still the best.

Oh yeah, also, they finally won DnD. It was an incredible time the whole way through, since day one, since Trouble in Tristen.

New Objective - win Myriad.